Went lighthouse in tampines this afternoon for youth service. Didn't feel pressurized in things like having to wear very glamorous to church like chc. Feel quite welcomed. That place is small and everyone is like part of a family. I can say that I feel quite welcomed there. If I had a friend of about the same age in the church in yishun, I guess I will feel as welcomed there too. It's just that I don't have a friend there and it is very far that put me off there. One can also say that my love for God is not strong enough. Oh well. I seem to repeat the mistakes I made even though I know that I should not make them ever again like a dog returning to its vomit. The person who said the sermon today was not very professional but I can still understand the message he was trying to put across. He is also very friendly. Being the person that I am, I almost got lost on the way to the bus stop at tp.

I get angry easily nowadays. I just feel so pissed and am on the verge of exploding into a million pieces.
If crying everyday will cleanse me of my filth and stop me from continue sinning, I will do that. I want to be blameless and innocent like a new born baby. I want to stop thinking too much which disrupted my sleep for the last few weeks. I want to be clean and holy. I want my name to be on the book of life and never again will I do anything to risk my name being erased on the book of life. I want to live my life for God and God alone.

I want to cry