Now I realise what it feels like being a host. I am close to the guests, yet not close enough. To mix or not to mix, both also feels weird. Although they ask permission for using my computer, I feel so angry that they use it. I think my selfishness come up only when I am with people ba...I can see that I live in seclusion. Cannot talk, cannot communicate. Where there is people, they is rubbish. When it is my house, I feel damn pissed that guest don't throw their own rubbish. Just can't stay calm in this kind of situation. Very angry.
Extremely glad that I did some cleaning up in my hotmail account. Deleted about 17 pages of 25 emails each page on thursday. Although I spent almost the whole day clearing them, I still feel like I have accomplished something very big. =)
Just had a revelation when I was shitting. Your demons are like the blue black (baluku). When it is not exposed in the light, it becomes more covered and thus, invisible. As in on the outside, you look very pretty, but the inside is very demonic. When it is exposed in the light, it becomes visible and people might think that it is so dark. However, when inner healing is done and there is follow up, the blue black becomes less and less visible and eventually disappears. This is different from the demonic power that is covered up in that it doesn't hurt anymore. It is completely healed. When the blue black sinks in, it gets more and more painful as time goes by, although you don't see it. The demonic power grows stronger.
want to talk to God 1st than 1st thinking of other people to talk to