Today's CO. Lao Zheng called me out to see the movements the hu people made. Called me shiyi -_-''. Said we moved not enough. It's true though. Felt better after he called me out. Hate my current self. Where has my past self gone to? The 'taking the tasks given by the teacher seriously' me. I am really very low from some time back till now. Don't know if this will continue. Been cursing myself indirectly lately, like,"I doubt if we can even get gold." and,"I don't know how long I can hold until." and,"I want to get 20+ points for the prelims so that I can go work during the 3 months." I don't know if I have rejected God's plan for me by saying,"I want to go to a polytechnic because a JC looks tough." I am exceptionally emotionally unstable this year, so try not to piss me off. Everything around me looks so unfamilar. People change. They do something for the ones they love, except me. No motivation, at least for now.
On friday, I went to lizhen's house before speech day. Read her blog for details.
To think that the secondary 4's are stepping down after the syf which is 3 days away, I felt elated. But for some reason, I feel sad too. The friends I made in CO especially my juniors are the ones that I love to be with. With them, I am happy, because I don't feel that I am extra. They are one of the better batch of friends. Xuan Yue diamond! I want to go out with them after the O's. Maybe I will suddenly feel like going for CO and see them play, or join in too =). But that is after the O's. I want to pass it with at least a 15.

Underneath this smile by Hilary Duff

What I'm standing on is sinking in
And I don't have a clue how to get off of it
But when I look at you there is hope
It's like you see the sadness in my eyes
You read the blue between the lines
You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry

Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on
Cause that is all I know
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this smile

I have walked this earth with broken bones
I've been keeping secrets under all these lights
But when you're around my defenses go
You don't let me run away from you
You don't let me twist and turn the truth
It feels as if I'm naked when you're standing in the room

Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on instead of letting go
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this smile
Underneath this smile
Oh, yeah

Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on instead of letting go
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
Underneath this smile
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this
Underneath this
Underneath this smile
What I'm standing on is sinking in

Only 3 more days. Lets work hard. Is all going to end like this?