Wa lao. Damn angry lar. I know I want the Holy Spirit to convict me of every little sin that I commit, but I also want the grace to accept it and do my best to change. I don't think I have the grace of God right now. I am so furious, cannot stand my aunt and everyone who gets to enjoy life. Damn stupid lar. I feel like shitting on everybody. I am so not joyful and peaceful right now. I can't even get started on my project. I know at the end, God sure win 1. You win liao lor. I am just so frustrated why God don't want to answer my questions by talking to me like 1 on 1 together lor. I just feel and know that I am wrong and have to wait for my aunt to tell me right smack in my face what I should do. Why can't He tell me and just whack me with the rod Himself? Just want to crush my stupid pride and cut me down to nothingness right? Cannot take it lor. Still I still have to bow down to you and ask that You give me the grace to accept this fixed strong fact and confess my sins. I don't even have the chance to take pity on myself because no one else seems to care. No attention is on me. You want me to be interdependent and yet don't want me to have good friends on earth because You know I will destroy both that person and me. Well, everyone seems to have the same sin as me but the reaction of being rebuked is so darn different. What's more, they have freaking good friends that they can talk to and always stay in their house lar. The more I think, the more I freaking can't take it. At this point of time, leaving me alone will be the best choice.