I hate it although I know I should give thanks. Well I an overcomer and there is a price to pay for that. If there is nothing difficult for me to overcome, how can I be an overcomer? Love and hate it.
It is like eating food and finding that there are insects in there. I have had this kind of experience countless times. My parallel to this is, asking group members about OUR project and finding out that everything that was discussed earlier was CHANGED and/or there was so many information that they need to fill me up with. Thankful yet angry. Why this stupid shit? Maybe I should ask the Holy Spirit to show it to me, whether I have treated people like that before a not, therefore reaping what I have sowed. Before I realised this, I was still thanking God for giving me favour of men. I know I am not wrong. I am in and yet out. I am very into 1 group and very out in another. I am in to my cca mates group, but yet, I know I have to keep a distance-after all, they are not good company as in not Christians.
My Father in heaven is so big and He loves me so much. Lord, You know what I am suffering with and I ask that You give me the solutions I need that I still don't know. Thank You. I know it is done.
Many things I wanted to say but never have the time to. I guess this is only how much I need to type for now. What is in the past is now gone, now I just need to focus on the present and what must I do to please God. Forgive me for being faithless, for insulting You again and again.