Thursday, August 06, 2009
*.* thanksgiving *.*
Finally, I am doing something constructive. I want to give thanks for the Lord for all these and they are for my rememberance to build up my faith.
- My aunt is a disciple of God and she loves us so much to do everything to bring my siblings and I to God.
- My fear of losing my mother therefore always sticking to her since a child has been permanently gone forever.
- My sister is very excited for God.
- My brother did not stray away from God.
- The Lord sustains me.
- My cousin came back to the Lord together with his father.
- God loves me and everyone else too.
- My piss-off-ness is gone with the wind with minimal residues.
- Both my arrogance and rebellion are discovered and I am dealing with it.
- My small prayers are answered such as the bus and mrt to come quick and wait for me.
- My self-esteem is gradually building up.
- I have more friends now.
- I am living with a purpose.
- I graduated from polytechnic.
- My parents and grandmother are still well and alive.
- I can prophesise!
- I am back to learning piano!
- I am part of the Fire Golden Eagles.
- I think I am a less emo-kia.
- We came back from China in one piece and we caught the plane even though we were very late because the plane was delayed. Praise the Lord!
- We did not have to face the person we were afraid of and got more time to explore.
- We had money from the dance competition we were forced to be in to eat the Peking duck.
- I am going in to Pru and tour around the world.
- Breakthrough in my mind!!!
- I can speak in tongues
- I can hear God's voice and see visions!!!
- and my list will go on... =D
I love You, God, for You first loved me and gave Your Son for me.
I cheered with joy @ | 6:01 PM
*.* God is an awsome God *.*
Yesterday, I just realised I missed my appeal deadline. Before I realised that, I was still sort of singing out a song from my spirit I think and after that sang the above song. Today, when I woke up, I read the part on the bible which I am supposed to read yesterday and they were all about persuing the things of God without fear. When I came out of the room, the Straits Times dated yesterday with the article about how to deal with setbacks on my table. My mom wanted me to read it. Cool huh, despite my disappointment with myself. God is really living in our midst.
I cheered with joy @ | 10:27 AM
*.* birthday wishes *.*
Just want to acknowledge those who blessed me with birthday wishes and presents. =D Here goes: All thanks to adeline, li zhen, li shean, uncle hua ching, yvonne, madeline, wei lian, tracy, huiwen, jordan, yanning, michelle, nat, esther, ms mawar and valerie for birthday wishes.
Thanks also to those who wished me Happy Birthday only on that day itself after I told them. =D
Thanks also for the yyb family for everything!
Thanks ah kim, ah ee, michelle, jie ming hui, auntie doreen, jie anne, janah, tracy, yvonne, michelle and faith for the birthday presents.
Thanks miracle, bernice, yvnonne, li zhen and tracy for the cards. =D
Thanks mummy for the ang bao lol.
Thanks auntie florence for all the food and the house.
Hope I didn't miss anyone out.
I just hope that I can thank more people for the presents lol.
I cheered with joy @ | 11:04 PM
*.* growth *.*
Just as what Russel said, he didn't know that what he did was that good to be praised, I have felt that too - today. Cannot believe that I have grown that much in these 49 days, and it hasn't ended yet. Well, I would expect a leap growth in me as this Jesus Bride 4 draws to an end. I just gave some cheap food as presents which I know I would not have done when it was the old me. However, I did not see it as something to be praised for. Now, looking back, I just so many things to thank God for. Never ending to be specific. Even small sweet things like immediate buses, short distance
tom pang are just so significant in my life at that point of time.
Well, it is seriously time to die to myself and reach out to love people and be ready to get hurt. I think that this feeling is just not as real when watching shows compared to the original experience. God's heartfelt feelings for us all the time. He wants to be our or rather, my husband. Am I ready? The ring on my hand just doesn't mean anything to me. It is not possible for me to get intimate without getting hurt huh. Maybe I should seriously ask for a boyfriend now so that I can bring imagination to a higher level. I just cannot imagine loving someone so much that I cannot let go. Doubt I ever felt that before. LOVE is a common yet distant word for me. Cannot be grasped. I should also ask for disciples now to experience it. Come forth disciples - from all over the world!!!
face it! don't run away!!! I cheered with joy @ | 12:11 AM
*.* prophetess *.*
Woohoo! I am a young powerful prophetess in the making!!! Series of events...
Thursday
Got rebuked by my aunt for dishonouring her. Didn't know I had a problem of honouring people. Was singled out. It went deep into my spirit. Wanted to change. Got out and spoke my thought and confessed my sins. Clinton prayed for me and I broke through.
Friday
Thought was the end, but not. Got rebuked early in the morning at 5am that I shouldn't stay in jealousy. Should imitate clinton and he imitates Christ. Made a deal with my aunt to go out and speak and pray for those who go out and speak together with my sister. We went out and wanted to pray for the person but got a surprise instead. Clinton prayed for us to release us to prophesise to others, making our vision come to pass. He was there to teach me to prophesise to my first guinea pig, my small mentor, ming hui jie jie. Prayed in tongues for very long but could see nothing. Finally did and it was very zun.
Did a lot of prophesying on that day. I was even blindfolded. I also prophesied over pastor. So cool and fun and powerful. The whole experience was very exciting. People even came up to me to ask me to prophesise. I know it is very humbling to do so.
Saturday
Had a sheep!!!! Haha. I have become a small mentor by praying over justin to have a spirit of prophesy. Damn cool haha. But how? My beloved brother...
Today
Had doubts since the day I started prophesying. I don't know how long I can keep it up. I had to deal with myself not to be proud and not to loose faith. By prophesying to so many people, I know God's heart more and can see His great power and His unlimited blessings for us. In a way, I got closer to God. =) Thank you Jesus, Allos Parakletos, Abba Father.
ai wo arigatou I cheered with joy @ | 11:29 PM
*.* so fun =D *.*
Saw val and pei zhi yesterday. They were so nice to come and see and talk to me haha. Giving thanks to God. Finally saw jian zong's brother before I really leave school. He looks so much younger than jian zong haha. So cool. Val is his brother's sl and I am his sl. His brother became sl after val and what he doesn't know is that sharon has already chosen him as the next sl after me. LOL.
Today is earth day!!! Amazingly, my parents and I switched off the lights for 1 hour with some other familes. We saw windows opened and lights off!!! Cool. My mom was the leader of this haha. Althought I was watching shows on my lappy all the time, I felt that this is really fun spending time with the family like this. =D Love it.
A new world opens up to me - a bright and cheery one. Don't know why, my friends near me start to say thank you and just won't be put off my me. Even if put off, they still come back to me without me making the first move. I find it hard to put away my ego but they are still my friends nevertheless. My heart is touched. Can I be such a friend or even better? That is for us to find out together. My character will change for the better, because Jesus is in me.
Finally, a positive post
By the way, my God is the great Yahweh. The Lord my God will be with me wherever I go. He will not leave me nor forsake me. He brings me through all things, both good and bad. His grace and mercy is sufficient for me.
Thank You Jesus Christ for Your blood shed on the cross that washes away all my sins, that I may become pure and blameless in Your sight. =D I cheered with joy @ | 10:58 PM
*.* confusion *.*
Confused. Really. Last night, I was so motivated by the Lord when He reminded me about my prophesy of being a lioness and a prophet. He also reminded me on the unfulfilled promises for the last 2 years. I am so extremely convicted to work hard for things and go for it. However, He raised me up when I was down yesterday but pushed me down today for being prideful. Ah ee pushed it deep within me that being filled with demons is my decision and my god is hatred. Well, I naturally shot back a no and wanted to share my new found joy. Before I left, my sister spoke to me and we kena scolding. I reactively shot both my eyes to her and felt like shutting her up. Shit. Damn it. Before that, I 'humbly' told God let not my will but His be done, although I wanted to speak. I told Him in my heart, "prove me wrong that I am not filled with hatred". He did and I totally failed the test. The killing intent was within me and it is what a fool does showing his anger immediately. A wise man holds back. WTH. Proved me wrong all right. So what? I should brood my god or work for things? Is my motivation to be killed just like that? The moment I talked to my friends in co, I felt at home, although the topic is so not holy. My home is really my hiding place. Oh how I love to dwell in my house, not the house of God. I feel so restricted there, a problematic kid. Not worth the effort of my aunt to change me.
This is my blog right? I am just sharing my feelings. It doesn't have to be right. I believe I know a lot of things and it destroys me. I don't have the mind to sit down and listen. 'I know myself too well' I sort of force myself to be what I am going to be after some 'trauma' happens. Sort of 'I will close up, I will shut down, I will blah blah...' I know too well, to actually ya right... whatever. I feel so liberated now as I am at home typing this.
Well deserved break?
What am I to do now? Multi-task? Chase after, cast out demons and change my God? Or do it one at a time? How do I go about it? This sounds like a project which I have to submit soon. Advice? Ok this sounds like writing in to the teenage magazine to find solutions to some growing up problems. By the way, I don't like taking responsibilities. This IS a growing up problem right? Hope it is common enough. I don't want to be alone lol.
I cheered with joy @ | 11:20 PM
