Wednesday, October 31, 2007
*.* sentosa benefits *.*
Starting to love sentosa although not the school except for the lecture halls. =)
We, as students of tourism academy @ sentosa, have maximum benefits in sentosa:
Free admission to Fort Siloso, Images of Singapore(very cool) and Merlion.
$4.90 two-way trip by cable car.
Discount at subway if only the sandwich is purchased.
Discounts in kofu.
and many more!
Others I have not discovered yet.
But I believe there are many more!
I cheered with joy @ | 11:37 PM
*.* bad bad bad days *.*
I have ended these few days with anger. I slept at 1 plus all these days, just because I want and need to install the microsoft office. I can't, because there is always this error coming up. I have searched the internet for this problem and they saied that it is because the cd is dirty. Tried cleaning it but to no avail. Tried using the fan to blow dust away from the cd reader, even vacummed it. Spent so much time just to install this thing, but can't. I think I have to reformat the whole com after I saved the important information.
Had 2 of my teeth extracted today. Injection was painful as everyone told me and the extraction was not. For each tooth extracted, 2 injections are needed. 1 for the front of the gum, another 1 at the back. I prayed that it will not hurt as much as I thought it would be and thank God it didn't. There are so many things that I can praise God for in my lives such as the people in my classes, my group memebers (for the fact that I can find a group to co-operate with) etc. However, when I am to give thanks, I either doubt it is from God or forget all about it. All I can remember is sadness and anger. All these have to go, that I know.
I just thought of another thing to praise God for. I did something good yesterday! I helped a junior regain his confidence about playing the erhu!!! Everyone knows me for not being patient and I am patient for once! Give a clap offering to the Lord!!! =) Thanks God, my Father in heaven. But as a human, I still want more things. I know but I still pray that You will give them to me and just teach me to sit in Your presence and not let the worries of life choke me to death.
I cheered with joy @ | 10:59 PM
*.* sick *.*
I don't understand.
I want to understand.
I don't want to obey.
I need to obey.
I am sick and tired and need help.
I don't want help.
I need help.
I have no time to spend with God.
I need to spend time with God.
I felt like sleeping.
I should not sleep.
I hate me.
I should not.
After all, no one ever hated his body, but he feeds and cares for it.
Love your neighbour as yourself.
I am a selfish, green-eyed monster, oblivious to surroundings, gossiper, killer of men, half-believer, stupid, helpless, useless person. Yup this is who I am/was, NOT what I am going to be.
Here I proclaim, I am going to be a holy moley person! Strict training will not come to waste.
kill be, burn me in the holy fire, refine me like silver and gold I cheered with joy @ | 12:27 AM
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
*.* blessed *.*
Although discouraged and hurt by this homosexual thing, and what people told me about this, God has really blessed me. Although I don't think I am any much with lesser sin or lighter sin in a sense, God still loves me and I think I am moving into His delight list. God has really blessed me with courage to face the future, interest in studying, favour with humans. Thank You Lord Jesus.
I feel that it is compulsory to go to EP everytime if I have nothing at all in that timing. Really feel very bad that I don't want to go, although I am very sure that I will benefit with every visit. Wahhhhhhhhh. Feel so forced.
:( I cheered with joy @ | 11:27 PM
*.* miracle service *.*
Love it. Never fail to have miracles as far as I know from the start. Got healing from God through a prophet although I slept through his sermon / testimony. My curved backbone is healed. Was slain after he prayed for me. Got that feeling that when your blood doesn't flow to some parts of your body for quite some time then you change your position in a way that blood can flow freely that some small things are moving around your body after I fell. The prophet asked me if I am healed. I said don't know. Then he replied, "You are standing straight now. You are healed!" I said that you and really felt that I was standing really straight. I did not have the uneasy feeling as last time when I was 'forced' to stand straight. Really great.
Requested for prophecy from another prophet. He prayed for me. I forgot what he said but I think it is about finding the answer out myself, not through him. Once again, I was slain. This feeling is nice haha. Love it. Thank you God for this and everything else.
Today, yyb service is all about inner healing. Did it. Felt very God. God loves and knows me! Gave me extreme comfort. Absolutely love this song that was composed by this worship leader from city harvest. Chinese Christian song. Extremely nice. Nice voice, nice composition-everything is nice. Praise the Lord!
Discouraged by this homosexual thing. There are friends who tell me they are against it like me. Some just said ok to go against it. Some say they are neutral-human rights. Some say they support it. Some say it will hurt people, tell me not to do it. Not against anyone here or the homosexuals out there, I am just disappointed with some of my friends. I don't hate them or cut my friendship with them, just that I feel that they don't understand. As what people say, hate the sin, not the sinner. God loves every single one of us. We are all His creation, but this is what God hates. It is stated in the bible. It is immoral. It hurts and kills. Knowledge is given to all of us that it is wrong. I know that temptation is hard to resist, but please seek help from church leaders if you want to change!
I pray that I will not be in jail because of this post. I cheered with joy @ | 11:19 PM
*.* all *.*
Lol got lots of things to blog about. I shall start from
tuesday. We had this tpco amazing race thing and my group lost. Our group was the only group who couldn't complete all the questions. I finally realised the power of 4th dimension. The group who won had group members that were very confident of winning and proclaimed it. I was on the other hand, indifferent. That is the reason.
After that, some of us went to Carl's jr and eat. We did not eat steamboat as planned because of the extreme heavy rain.
The burger was so big. I thought it was ok until I was halfway through eating. I was already full by then. Had a hard time pushing it into my mouth and down to the stomach.
Wednesday, went to the dentist with my mom to confirm that I am NOT going for operation but braces only. Did lots of things. Didn't know putting on braces is a complicating thing. Had mould of my teeth, took photographs of it and then x-ray. Dentist said that my 2 upper and 2 lower teeth have to be plucked out! Wahhhhhh!!!
On the way to school at bedok mrt station, saw F.I.R's poster of their latest album. Suddenly, a song just came to me with these lyrics :
该抛开过去
是好是坏 要放得开
往梦想的路 没有想象中简单
我还要更勇敢Realised my lack of skill in erhu. Cried because of that, because of unbelief that God can help me through it. Sorry God. Went home with that song in mind. Checked the entire lyrics of that song, Fly away. Cried again. Was ministered by God through the song. Gave me comfort. It is very funny that God ministers through not christian songs. Shall believe that it is true. Entire song goes like this:
清晨的微风 如此的平凡 看似简单
雾气驱散 温柔的阳光中
慢慢醒了过来 准备面对挑战
在新的世纪 该抛开过去
是好是坏 要放得开
往梦想的路 没有想象中简单
我还要更勇敢
回忆就像漩涡它将我拉走
时间的钟响起 我不该逗留
Fly Away 不管留下了多少眼泪
坚持下去的动力还在
Nothing I Will Be Afraid
Fly Away 不管未来有多困难
我仍然能感觉心跳还在
Nothing I Will Be AfraidThursday did spring cleaning and asset taking from 10 am to 9 pm, and still not done yet. My own spring cleaning at home is still not done yet lor. To think that a few days later school will start, feel quite tensed.
Just called the NDC for change of appointment but it is not possible. I have to miss school. Not excited about it at all.
Melissa grew so much in the Lord in just about a month. Paul grew a lot in the Lord in just a few days. What about me? Still battling with my mind eons after reading the battlefield of the mind for teenagers. I want a breakthrough. I know I will overcome!
I cheered with joy @ | 4:09 PM
Saturday, October 13, 2007
*.* host *.*
Now I realise what it feels like being a host. I am close to the guests, yet not close enough. To mix or not to mix, both also feels weird. Although they ask permission for using my computer, I feel so angry that they use it. I think my selfishness come up only when I am with people ba...I can see that I live in seclusion. Cannot talk, cannot communicate. Where there is people, they is rubbish. When it is my house, I feel damn pissed that guest don't throw their own rubbish. Just can't stay calm in this kind of situation. Very angry.
Extremely glad that I did some cleaning up in my hotmail account. Deleted about 17 pages of 25 emails each page on thursday. Although I spent almost the whole day clearing them, I still feel like I have accomplished something very big. =)
Just had a revelation when I was shitting. Your demons are like the blue black (baluku). When it is not exposed in the light, it becomes more covered and thus, invisible. As in on the outside, you look very pretty, but the inside is very demonic. When it is exposed in the light, it becomes visible and people might think that it is so dark. However, when inner healing is done and there is follow up, the blue black becomes less and less visible and eventually disappears. This is different from the demonic power that is covered up in that it doesn't hurt anymore. It is completely healed. When the blue black sinks in, it gets more and more painful as time goes by, although you don't see it. The demonic power grows stronger.
want to talk to God 1st than 1st thinking of other people to talk to
I cheered with joy @ | 11:59 PM
*.* rebuke *.*
As time goes on, I find it harder to accept a rebuke. Hope the fire will still burn though. Also pray that God will give me the grace to overcome and believe. Lol had fun taking neoprints just a few hours ago.
I cheered with joy @ | 12:11 AM
*.* life changed *.*
I declare here. My life's turning point is 6 oct 07, yesterday. I have realised lots of things within this short period of time. People who know me extremely well know I get moody very often. I realised this is always not how I am feeling at that time. Let me explain this further. I might be moody because I feel that no one cares about me, but that is not true. Then I used this moody face to control people to make them notice me and come and love me. Actually, there is no problem with me as in there is no long time hurt that needs healing etc. I think I have learned to snap out of it. Changing topic helps as I don't keep brooding on something that is not true. After I become happy, the sadness don't come back almost permanently. You know what I mean. I know it is actually me and not that I have background problems. I think I can play this game with God telling Him that I am so no happy and cry before Him. However, I think He will ignore me until I snap out of it because He knows I am mature enough and got to grow out of it. I got to know of someone with this case and a stern rebuke made her get out of it. I guess this is what I need to, but since I got 'case study', I am glad I can learn from it. This is a decision that I/we have to make: to get out of it. So why even play with moodiness when I know I will lose the game? Thank You Allos Parakletos, for explaining and giving me real life experiences with it.
I am so excited from don't know when. I long told many people that I am going to be an entrepreneur. However, I haven't told a lot of people that I have thoughts about it already. I thought of giving money away like there is plenty from where they come from, which is true in a sense because all are from God. I have made my plans. Half of what I earn shall be giving away to do God's good works. Half of the money I shall spend on myself and people who are close to me and save the rest. (so get close to me ar haha but if I know u love me for my future money I will kick you out of my sight lol). Yup, I shall be prosperous and successful. =D
Oh ya. Now I am doing my best to extend my friend circle in yahyobabes. I have decided: why settle for the second best when you can have the best? My close friend circle in yahyobabes. I know I might face a lot of problems with people like me since I don't really want to get close to people. However, I shall not give up and get moody, depressed and sad because of that. It is prophesied that I am an overcomer, and this I shall be. God will strengthen me and make sure my efforts pay off to make everyone a better person and yahyobabes a better place.
ooo growing very fast I cheered with joy @ | 10:13 PM
*.* bo chap *.*
This spirit is inside me long enough. Today, I really feel that it is getting worse. I could not communicate with God properly
(not that I have done it properly before but today is the worst). My handwriting was extremely sloppy when my aunt asked me to write down some pointers to do the powerpoint slide. On the contrary, my sis handwriting was extremely nice and she wrote down the pointers faster than me even when writing so nice. This is solid proof of my extreme sloppiness. I am also so
sian to do things that people 'force' me to do, even when there is an incentive. What the ... I couldn't be bothered about everything I do and I was thinking that is good. Because this is called giving them all to God and let Him do everything. I know this is extremely wrong. What should I do?
continue in prayer? I cheered with joy @ | 4:17 PM
*.* scary *.*
Today when I work up, my sister was watching tv already. Then I was watching and reading my bible alternately. It was kids central and obviously, all was in english. What is scary is that most of the time, I don't know what they were talking about. HELLO! Simple english leh! Damn scary, I thought that there was something wrong with me. After finished reading the bible, I was watching barbie the island princess. Well, I could understand all that was said. Of course I can right?
But I have been thinking...is it because I haven't finished reading the bible so my mind was closed? Because by right I should be able to understand. Freaky. Is it only me?
God can make you fail even if you can never fail by the logic of the human mind I cheered with joy @ | 10:37 PM
