*.* Nothing *.*
wo zhi dao ni de lei bu shi wei wo er liu. Oh well, I can't expect everyone to love me right? Was too slow in a-maths lesson today again. Blamed her for my own slowness. Am I so glad to put my sufferings on others? Am I so eager to show my weaknesses? I am confused as I see my 'true colours' over time. I really don't know myself anymore. I losing my control. I am getting worse. I became more irritating and disgusting (because my sweat glands are working too well). I talked too much crap. I am too touchy.
Dealt with potassium manganate VII again. 1 dm³=1000 cm³.
Received many presents today from xinyi and cindy. The xuan yue seniors received a flower, lollipop and cd from some very nice juniors. The handover ceromony is above average. There was free dinner. Zheng lao shi's quote,"she de. you she cai you de." This is so nice =).
Can I just go heaven now? I cheered with joy @ | 10:20 PM
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
*.* lala *.*
Yesterday`My chinese oral is sucky.
Went out with annie, huiwen and mabel-to bugis then to annie's house to play badminton.
Today`First, before school, I received my first birthday present this year. Thanks H.I.M and wanting, lizhen, annie. Love the converse bag lots. It is blue in colour.
In physics lesson, Mr Eng told us that the [it takes 2](is it?) tickets are sold out, so we are going to watch [phua chu kang the musical]. Yeah!
Finally started on integration. She went through Geography tys at maximum speed.
Miss Neo first shared with us where she got her motivation.
"Vision=what you want.
Vision without action=Dream
Action without vision=Passing time (not a fighter)
Action +Vision=Reality
and this will change your life!"
Then she actually wanted to go through the SBQs on the hong kong housing, but some of us did not do. She was so disappointed. If she had any intention to break down in front of us, I think she would, but she didn't. She is strong.
We went to history lesson late. She said we were 10 minutes late. Although I did not believe her, I guess we were late. Oh well, she scolded us for more than 10 minutes. Her reasons for us to be late was,
1)We were strolling to her classroom, which we did.
2)Discussing questions with Miss Neo after lesson and forgot that there was history lessons...
3)Miss Neo says history is not important.
I think she hates Miss Neo for snatching her job. Miss Neo is better than her so she is jealous of her. =O Just because our class manager is the extra one and runs to her homeroom, doesn't mean we should or can do the same thing right? Please, I was carry many things in my hands. She said maybe she should take note of the time wasted and continue the lesson after school before homework time. I don't want.
We had 2 free periods of English. =D We were supposed to revise our work, but I talked crap. =D
Went with Tracy to tampanies mall to buy *ahem's* birthday present. Before that, we went Long John Silver and eat our lunch. The cashier cheated my money. He somehow made me buy a medium sized drink and changed the coke to ice tea. I paid extra 80 cents for the drink. I forgave him since the weather was so warm and ice tea was healthier than coke.
heard that the handover ceromony is on this fri 5pm... I cheered with joy @ | 6:51 PM
*.* Struggling *.*
The previous weekend was the time for me to catch up with my homework after the syf. I did do some of the homework, but some are still not completed. The following weeks will be so busy for me. First the Common tests aka Mid year examinations are here for the secondary 4's. I just had my English paper 2. Regretted some of my actions. Regretted why I did not follow my feelings. What I wanted to write I did not write. I actually thought of it but I did not write it down. =(
When I see you now, I feel very scared. I don't know why, but I just don't want to see your face. This kind of feeling is the first time I have. Before that, I hated. Now I am scared. Which one is better? None of them. For one of my juniors, I don't want to talk or look at that person face to face. I feel that I am digging into my junior's privacy and I have a feeling that that person doesn't like it. Relationships are troublesome. But some relationships I really cherish and will not let them fade away. =)
Wo3 yao4 xue2 hui4 bao1 rong2 bie2 ren2, zhe4 yang4 wo3 cai2 bu2 hui4 hen4 zi4 ji3. Madam Suriadi`You must help yourselves. At the end of the year, you are the one taking the examination. Your future depends on it. If you don't want to help yourselves, I can't help you. ~ If you are a university graduate and you tell your parents you want to be a hi-tech farmer, won't your parents scold you? Although a hi-tech farmer is skilled, the word farmer does not appeal to many people. It is different from what you studied. **Wasted half the life studying something which is not applicable**
I am glad that I can still see my juniors in school =D I cheered with joy @ | 5:58 PM
*.* Past *.*
20 April`Ok now, first thing to say is we got gold for the co syf! "Chinese Orchestra number 15, Temasek Secondary School, Gold!" Woo! All of us cheered and clapped with all our might. I can saw people jumping around hugging people. I saw happy faces. I also saw people crying, including me. Ok, not exactly crying but just water in my eyes. We waited very long before the results were announced. Everyone was scared, but most of us did not show that. I was acting crazy in front of everyone until I was too tired. We finally got gold after all our hard work-many long hours of practices. We are stepping down, or rather, we have already stepped down. I will miss all my juniors.
Today`Today was a very long day. First, found out that we have to do a CME project. I did not touch the e-maths homework that I needed to pass up today. Today's chemistry practical was on titration (VA). I love potassium manganate VII (don't know if it is spelt like that). I broke a conical flask. It was broken into small pieces until it was beyond recognition. Wrote my name on the broken glassware book. Henry helped me throw the glass pieces into the broken glassware box. Went to watch the Karaoke competition. Had chinese lessons before going out. Forgot to pass up my English homework. Took neoprint with mabel and annie. Went to annie's house to play badminton. Reached home close to 10 pm. Tired now. Shall not say anything else.
trying to catch up I cheered with joy @ | 11:33 PM
*.* Yeah *.*
Found my motivation!
Tomorrow is the SYF! Lets all sway with the music! We can do it! =)
I don't feel like stepping down I cheered with joy @ | 10:35 PM
*.* Random *.*
Ok I want to change the things I typed here. I am most of the time pissed off in the morning before school, so don't talk to me. Slept at CO in the beginning. Went to Old Chang Kee to buy food before going home. I bought one thing which costs 70cents and the auntie returned me 30cents including 2 5cents. I thought she returned me 10cents more when I see 40cents in my hand. After returning to her the 2 5cents, I just remembered that I was holding an extra 10cents in my hand initially before I even bought the food. -_-'' So it means I gave the auntie 10cents. The syf is in 2 days time. Must jia you. Cannot sleep tomorrow no matter how tired I am. Must get better. I don't want to cough during the syf on stage when we are in the middle of a song. =)
a cup of choc ice-cream just slipped off my reach I cheered with joy @ | 9:37 PM
*.* Underneath this smile *.*
Today's CO.
Lao Zheng called me out to see the movements the hu people made. Called me shiyi -_-''. Said we moved not enough. It's true though. Felt better after he called me out. Hate my current self. Where has my past self gone to? The 'taking the tasks given by the teacher seriously' me. I am really very low from some time back till now. Don't know if this will continue. Been cursing myself indirectly lately, like,"I doubt if we can even get gold." and,"I don't know how long I can hold until." and,"I want to get 20+ points for the prelims so that I can go work during the 3 months." I don't know if I have rejected God's plan for me by saying,"I want to go to a polytechnic because a JC looks tough." I am exceptionally emotionally unstable this year, so try not to piss me off. Everything around me looks so unfamilar. People change. They do something for the ones they love, except me. No motivation, at least for now.
On friday, I went to lizhen's house before speech day. Read her blog for details.
To think that the secondary 4's are stepping down after the syf which is 3 days away, I felt elated. But for some reason, I feel sad too. The friends I made in CO especially my juniors are the ones that I love to be with. With them, I am happy, because I don't feel that I am extra. They are one of the better batch of friends.
Xuan Yue diamond! I want to go out with them after the O's. Maybe I will suddenly feel like going for CO and see them play, or join in too =). But that is after the O's. I want to pass it with at least a 15.
Underneath this smile by Hilary DuffWhat I'm standing on is sinking in
And I don't have a clue how to get off of it
But when I look at you there is hope
It's like you see the sadness in my eyes
You read the blue between the lines
You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry
Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on
Cause that is all I know
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this smile
I have walked this earth with broken bones
I've been keeping secrets under all these lights
But when you're around my defenses go
You don't let me run away from you
You don't let me twist and turn the truth
It feels as if I'm naked when you're standing in the room
Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on instead of letting go
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this smile
Underneath this smile
Oh, yeah
Underneath this smile
My world is slowly caving in
All the while
I'm hanging on instead of letting go
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
Underneath this smile
Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?
I've been hiding out for miles
Underneath this
Underneath this
Underneath this smile
What I'm standing on is sinking in
Only 3 more days. Lets work hard. Is all going to end like this? I cheered with joy @ | 6:11 PM
*.* emotions *.*
Sometimes after you quarrel with someone, you will feel like vending your anger on your blog. That is what I felt, but nothing changes, does it? Anyway, after a few minutes, I wonder why I have ever felt like that. Isn't it absurd to vent your anger on something that you will eventually forget? I mean something that had happened a few minutes ago is history. You might never think about this even again. Your memory is all gone, or maybe most of them, but your hatred still stays. You will find yourself hating this person, but you have forgotten the reason. You will find yourself never thinking of this incident again unless something similar happens. You will find yourself thinking about this history, this time thoroughly. You might be able to find your answers, but most of the time you will not be able to. You could have thought that since you will be able to forget about it for a period of time, it means you have forgiven the person. It is not true. Time might be able to make you forget the incidents that happened in your life, but it does not do anyone any good. Forgive and forget. It seems simple, but doing it is not an easy task. It is something that we all want to achieve, to make our lives better. I just hope I can do it, with God's help.
life is full of ups and downs, to make people start thinking I cheered with joy @ | 9:51 PM
*.* Teachers *.*
Ma lao shi looked better today. She looked so pale 2 days ago. Mrs Hong and me both had the same problem. Our voice. Both of us started yesterday and today's voice was worse. =) Partly because of her voice, she asked us to do the exercises in the textbook. After 2 whole periods, me and my friends only did 2 questions. Mrs Hong saw it and said,"Aiyo why do so slow? Don't know must ask what." Tears suddenly started to well up in my eyes. I know I do things very slowly. I wanted to debate for myself that I always do things very slowly and that is unavoidable, but I knew everything was my fault. Why am I so slow in doing my work? Why things that are so simple in Mrs Hong's eyes and the class' eyes are so difficult for me? I felt like giving up totally. I don't know how long I can suppress my feelings and keep up with the stress. I now know that the fact that I was able to pass all my tests is because the mighty power of God's hand is working in me. I can never do things on my own. I am so weak and He is so strong. I walked around the school feeling depressed for the next few periods. I was still thinking about it when I walked into Mr Eng's homeroom for homework time. I wanted to cry, but it was impossible. Now to think of it, I should be grateful that God is with me all the time, helping me in everything I do-in the past, in the present and in the future. My day became better when Henry promised to make the honey drink for me too since he wanted to make one bottle for Mrs Hong. He is in Mrs Hong's fan club =D.
Didn't watch the soccer match today. Shitted the moment I reached home. Ate pizza. Now waiting for my father to come home with the dinner =P. Ok I want to go watch the 'dolphin bay lovers' television show. =)
I cheered with joy @ | 7:23 PM
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
*.* Voice *.*
My voice became worse today. Once I started asking people if my voice is sexy, they spreaded the same question to everyone else, or at least one person did that. Doubt that my voice will be better tomorrow. Kind of hope it will be better because I want to sing. I also hope that I will lose my voice so that I do not have to present anything tomorrow and also to find out how does it feel not being able to talk for one day. I imagine it will be disastrous, but I still want to try. =D
Went for CO instead of watching the soccer match. Was regretful but not quite too. It is because so many people were watching the soccer matches. I do not want to squeeze with them just to watch the matches, especially I do not know anyone of them there very well. For my character, my friends will know that I will prefer to be in the comfort of the art room with air conditioners, but I just feel like watching the matches. In the end, the matches were postponed because of the sudden heavy rain. CO was ok today, considering I tried playing the drums. The drums so cool can. Went home with cadence and annie. They love me so much, asking me to take care of my own voice-talk less, eat lozenges and drink more water. Love them lots. Because I went to CO today, I became closer to cadence. Hope we can talk naturally without annie. I still love annie of cause.
I cheered with joy @ | 9:23 PM
*.* Today *.*
Met Mabel today at the bus stop =) love her so much. Finally kept my promise to Aiysha to give her a packet of oreos =D.
PE today was not really good. When I started running, my foot hurts. After about 2 rounds, my back hurts. Rahman came in first today, with a blooding leg. Heard that Dempster tripped him. Mirza's leg was also hurt. Many people did not run today, one of which is Aimran as his leg was injured during the last soccer match. Oh ya, they announced today that because our class did not get any yellow card, we get to compete again with other classes! This is definitely good news for the players. =)
Did zao ju for Chinese. Went to see the school dentist for a good wash in the teeth. Ran through the answers for English. Started on the last part of differentiation. Started on Social Studies homework too. Tomorrow got Physics test. Went to 7-11 for lunch with wanting, cheryl and huiwen. Wanting saw her only 2 crushes there. She also could not stop laughing at the cashier 'auntie' because she had a makeover. Put too much makeup. No more rabbit teeth. Nicer hair too.
Lao Zheng bought lots of new er hu parts today. Many people changed their
gong and
qian jing except me, because I don't like to waste things as most of my friends know. I am always in to save the earth. =) Slept during CO today. Met
Yao lao shi on the way home.
Don't know why I have become so restless these days. Don't feel like doing homework. Even both Tracy and Abigail could not motivate me to run faster for the 2.4km run. They were like literally about 1 minute faster than me. Even though Choir's gold and Band's gold with honours are supposed to motivate us, I don't really feel motivated considering the things I did in CO. Sleeping is not a sign of motivation. Not enthusiastic in CO pracitses is not a sign of motivation. Making mistakes is not a sign of being motivated. Sometimes I just feel like sleeping and never waking up. Something like a coma, not dying. Because I am still not quite sure where I will go after I die. I have not really been obeying His statutes and decrees. Hoping is not enough. Praying is better. Of cause if I can really do something about this attitude of mine, that is the best - plus praying too.
is restless a sign of emptiness? I cheered with joy @ | 8:41 PM
*.* TMSco rocks *.*
First time I feel happy when
lao zheng is back. Today's CO rocks so much. We must get gold. We must prove to others that we are not worse than them.
all tmsco members are loved I cheered with joy @ | 9:56 PM
*.* Pissed *.*
Found out that Huiwen and Cheryl waited for me yesterday and missed many buses. Just here to write a public apology. Sorry.
Choir got gold today. The CO members are all stressing out. All wanted more practices because we want to get gold or we will be forever looked down on. Lets strive hard for it ;).
I have brought upon myself all the misery that happened today. It all started when Tracy asked randomly just anyone to open the windows during History lesson. Lek volunteered to do it. I giggled jokingly that Lek like Tracy. After what seemed like 2 minutes, Brian said,"Huh?" I laughed out loud. Apparently, he heard it. Lek heard it too and started talking about how Rahman talked(good things) about me during the previous soccer match. I do not believe what they said. They continued saying and asked me to go and watch the soccer match today because he is in the team. They said something like,"Oh, if you go, he will
chiong." I made an excuse and it is true that I need to go home and shit. After homework time, I kept talking about how badly I wanted to go home and shit and it makes me feel better, although I do not know why. Talking in the bus on the way home made me feel depressed and the reason is not very clear to me. Reached home. Switched on the computer. In the middle of collecting the clothes in the balcony, it rained. Used the computer. Instead of pissing off about the things that had happened today, I did construsting things like changing my blogskin. Love it. Isn't it nice? Felt better after that. My father reached home. Nagged at me to bathe. Found out our class lost the game 0-1. What I know is that Aimran got hurt. Wenbin and Lek was very sad about it. While watching Dolphin Bay Lovers(or whatever you call it), my mother 'scolded' me. She asked me why I did not keep all the clothes(+ the one in the kitchen). Told her that it rained. She said after I have collected the clothes in the balcony, I should have collected the one in the kitchen as it had just rained and the clothes were not wet yet. Quarrelled over that issue. Cried. She said that she was just 'informing' me that I should collect the clothes if this kind of thing should happen again.
In times lke this, I feel like hiding in a hole so that no one can see me, but I cannot. I do not have my own room, which I can just lock myself up. God is my only asylum. He is the only one that I can forever rely on and trust. I am really glad that I know that He is always with me in good and bad times. When I am happy, He is there to share my joy. When I am sad, He is there to listen to me although He already knows what I am thinking even before I tell him. He is a great father and friend. He knows what I want and does things for me if the things I want is right. Love Him.
thanks for everything I cheered with joy @ | 8:52 PM
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
*.* Val's mom rocks *.*
Val's mom rocks. Love her. She fetched me home today. Reached home earlier than usual. Another reason for reaching home earlier than expected is that there is only 1 rehearsal for us. ^-^v. Because of the speach day rehearsal today, I have to do my Additional Mathematics homework at home, not during homework time. That is the only bad thing that happened today.
Did I mention that Miss Neo is so cute? She got so many classes to take that she did not remember what she did to our class.
CO got so many compliments today on the costume we were wearing. The teachers all said the costume is nice. =) All of us felt so honored. The only thing that the teachers complained is that the shirt is too short. "This is a formal occation, so I don't want all of u to wear until 'so revealing'." It is not that short. Even if it is, must we go and buy another shirt that we rarely wear?
Oh well, I still love today as a whole.
is crying a good thing? I cheered with joy @ | 6:52 PM
*.* NAPFA test *.*
Ok first to update you guys on the previous events. Lynn said that I sing very well last friday! I am really happy that someone finally appreciated my singing =).
NAPFA test results
standing broad jump - failed by 2 freaking cm. I got 145cm. I know it's very bad lar.
Sit up - 28
Incline pull up - 5 after cheating
Shuttle run - 11.4 s
Sit and reach - 42cm
Just found out that my brother is so pro in his physical fitness. Thought he would not be able to survive in NS, but on second thought, I think he can. Booked Tracy on Saturday again to train me for my standing broad jump for my retest. At home, I made a deal with my brother that he train me in my standing broad jump while I train him in his 1.6 km run.
Chinese test was ok.
Even I can't read my chinese entry from my blog. I can only read my post here in my edit post page. -_-
Played chang cheng with dizi for some time. Slept in CO today for the last half an hour. Valerie was not happy. Lynn cried. Stress. Misunderstanding.
Tomorrow is the full dress rehearsal for Speech day. Have to bring the costume to school to change. No mathematics homework time. Sad.
tired. panda eyes.
I cheered with joy @ | 9:43 PM
*.* 清明节 *.*
今天是二月廿五。二月廿七日才是清明节。可是，今天我的一家人一起去扫墓，除了我之外。因为我还没有把功课做完。
昨天，我应该去 Tracy 的家练习我的短跳。可是一整天都在下雨。与其说上帝不要我去，还不如说我不想出门。
*哈哈大笑* I cheered with joy @ | 2:47 PM
*.* mixed feelings *.*
Yesterday, people were already talking about the 3 months trial. I mean the JC entries. It seems like a long time ago that they say that our batch won't have the first 3 months. Now then they tell us we have it. Shitty shitty.
Happy April fools day!
Maths test was bad. I don't know how to do some questions. I saw how long one of the working was and on my friend's paper and I suddenly felt so useless. I mean I was too lazy to even calculate the answers. Although I don't know if I really did try to calculate the answer, I will get it.
Next was Chemistry practical. Henry burnt himself with the heated don't know what acid. His thumb turned red and he kept on saying it burns.
Talked about class T-shirts today. Finally. Hope we will get them soon, with nice designs and cheap prices. =D
Love assemblies. This year it seems like everytime there is an assembly, it is the upper secondary's one. =) first time in this year we were released early after assembly. Most of the time we were released late.
Seems like most of us are breaking down. Not only the secondary 4s. The lower secondarys too. Relationship problems, study stress, tests failures, family problems, emotional breakdown. Can't keep it up anymore, can I? Seems like there will always be something to laugh about in school, but it does not relieve any stress. The homework will always be there, so will there be enough time to think how much all of us are going through. Sometimes, stress can lead to sickness. I think that is what most of us are going through. No time to cry, can't cry, thinking we must stand strong. 'We must not show our weaknesses to others.' Most of us are like that. All of us are wearing masks. Is that good or bad?
incoming stress I cheered with joy @ | 9:32 PM
