Friendster has become a little more efficient! Good news right?

I am still unable to release myself the trouble that I have inflicted on myself. The battle inside me has not ended. I think and hope that this is the worst. I really don't want anything worse to happen. This is enough for me. Mid-semester test is coming. I have to and I will do my best to get good grades. I am thankful to God that I did not experience stress like other people.

I am still procrastinating. I was thinking of not going to church until at a much later date where someone whom I really know as a friend invite and bring me to her/his church. I thought that not going to church was not such a great deal. I was wrong. I cannot handle the emotional war going inside me alone. I need someone to help me and God to be with me. However, I was not willing to ask people to bring me to church and to go to church my own, alone. I know I cannot do things alone, but I am not willing to open up to others and risk myself getting hurt. I also don't want to trouble people, but I also don't know what should I do to spend time with God and let Him help me. I tried it once and apparently it doesn't work. I feel like I am getting evil and straying from God. I want to do something about it, and yet I don't want to. Any contact with people will result in conflicts and school is an example. I have been busy yet still have time to think about all these stuff. I want to think about positive and correct things. I need God, I need friends to help, but how and what to get help for? Help to keep my mind occupied? Help on getting an operation on my brain? Or to get help for brainwashing?

What should I do? What can I do? How to do?