Thursday, January 31, 2008
*.* God speaking *.*
Walk with the wise and grow wise, but a companion of fools suffer harm.
What's with me singing "For the cause of Christ, I will lay down my life"? I mean, if I can't even sacrifice my sleep and time for Him to just join Him in Jesus' bride, will I be even willing to die for Him? Impossible. I was listening to this song the day after jie ming hui called me to tell me about the interview for Jesus' bride and this thought just dawned on me. God wants me to be His bride! The evidence is the ring on my finger. Why do I just make Him so sad? I am destined to be in it k.
God also spoke to me through this book that my aunt bought for me eons ago. How amazing it is that God created the insects that we totally hate but they contribute to the ecological system. Maggots of flies only feed on dead and decaying flesh. They are the natural doctors of animals that suffer wounds. By eating away the decaying flesh, the wound will not be infected and new flesh is allowed to grow to cover up the wound. Mosquitoes act as herdsmen of deers which eat leaves to force them to move up and down the mountain to eat leaves to allow sunlight to pass through to reach the plants on the ground. In contrast, humans are the only creatures on earth that serve no ecological purpose. Sad huh? But we are made to do the most noble thing, which is to praise the living God! Excited? Let's all live for God and God alone! Experience total and extreme breakthrough in your life! Miracles and surprises will come along your way! Believe and be victorious in life!!!
lol this is like a post from God to me, to remind me of His goodness... I cheered with joy @ | 12:44 AM
*.* pride x3 *.*
Seriously, just treat me as dirt. Whack me, scold me, force me, whatever. I will feel better than giving people outside church that I am so holy moley. Sure, I can see that I am improving outside church, about accepting the fact that people say I am weak and need to depend everything on God. But I cannot stand people just telling me to do things like memorise verses. For I think that I am so righteous and just cannot memorise. Why? No time lar! Freakos. I got projects to do, not enough sleep and yet you ask me go and make the effort to memorise verses and go to some church thingy on weekdays! Too much is expected of me lar. I don't want to mature. I don't want to accept responsibilities. I don't want to commit. I don't want to go find out stuffs myself. I want people to spoon-feed me. Don't I have this right? I am still not an adult, yet I have to act like one because I am like 18 going on 19? Ok if I am not at this age, I will think that it is an age for an adult. Ok just say that I am not ready to grow up. I don't want to change my lifestyle. I want to have control and security of my life. Stupid pride. I want to stab it hard and kill it that there will be no blood and life in it. Why does a girl need so much pride? It will kill me in the working world, kill my relationship with my future husband and his family. Kill my future children. Kill everything around me until I am dead. Not even the true blue muscular guys have more pride than me. True, I cannot change myself, but I also am not willing to ask for help. No one should know my dark secrets when even I myself don't know. No one should shine at my dark spots. It is too painful and piercing. Anyway, I am drifting. Can see the all so significant distance between me and everyone else. Not wallowing in self pity now, cause I realised that I can't get into this situation already. This is my only comfort ba, the grace that God has given me and not going to take it away. I like and don't like it. But I pray that God will not take this away from me. I like it more that I can't cry myself to bed because I can't get sad. Knowing what I am supposed to do but not able to just get myself to do it is the worst thing that can happen and is happening. This problem is all around me, cutting the relationships around me...one by one...
sleeping my time away
stupid choice and decision I cheered with joy @ | 11:52 PM
*.* I love God! *.*
God please forgive me if I love You only because of all the things You gave me. I don't deny that I love You for that, but I want to love You for just who You are, because You first love me and gave Your life up for me. I want to praise of Your great name.
Thank You for holding the rain just for me.
Thank You for getting that bee out of the toilet for me so that I can bathe in peace.
Thank You for taking the effort to train me into Your mighty army.
Thank You for helping me take my tests and do my projects. Looking back, I can't imagine how I actually wrote so many words in reports and able to them in.
Thank You for forcing me to grow up, I seriously needed it.
Thank You for squeezing me clear of my pride. I still need that I guess, but I know I am improving.
Thank You for telling me that I cannot change myself, only in Your presence can I be changed.
"I cannot contain what You've done in me. I can't stop lifting up my praises to You."
"Everywhere I go, I will shout Your praises. Everywhere I go, I just can't contain it."
"I love to be in Your presence, with Your people singing praises."
Love and thank You for not forsaking me and still being faithful to me.
I cheered with joy @ | 12:03 AM
*.* adeline *.*
Haha. This post is dedicated to adeline. Met her yesterday for lunch. She dated me the day before. Glad I agreed. Caught up with her, know how she felt about her group, class and such. Then met her cousin and mom's friend coincidentally. It just happened that they both worked in Vivo city and her cousin's company is a sister company of her mom's friend's. So many things happened in just a little more than 1 hour. Our strong relationship still exists - adeline, wei lian, yanning and me. We are the bestest friends in poly haha. Love them all.
On tuesday, I went out with yanning to eat mac. Before that, we walked pass 2 shops - selling scafs and the Uzumaki. Saw a jacket that will fit wei lian, so we bought it after our lunch, thinking that it costs $15. Wanted to ask adeline to chip in, but she already got a present for wei lian's birthday last year. So we bought, thinking it will cost us $7.50 each, but when we bought, we were told it cost $18. Wahhh!!! kena cheated. Ok then we bought ice-cream at Usumaki, thinking it will cost only $3.50 each. We wanted cone and realised it costs $4 each only at the moment we bought it. Kena cheated again haha. Aiya, I know that it was ignorance in our part lar, but nevertheless, still felt cheated. However, I believe that with the prices known to us, we would still buy them as that jacket was really very nice and we wanted to try the ice-cream.
Not so holy huh, however, I am glad to announce that I have overcame a part of my rebellion. I actually submitted to my aunt and woke up at 4am to do my quiet time. It has already been a few days. God kept me awake the whole time. I don't feel at all sleepy when I was reading my bible - that is a miracle. Last time, even though I woke up when the sun was up to read my bible, sometimes I still felt sleepy. God's grace and I think God really wants me to be serious towards Him. My project due dates are so near and yet we haven't completed our research and started on the report. I am so scared, but I know God will somehow make things right. This is really a test of faith and force me to really know God's heart.
Today, I often felt like there was nothing to do when there was a lot to be done and God drew me closer to Him by 'forcing' me to spend time singing worship songs to Him in the morning. I know how empty it is not knowing God because I still don't know Him. How now? Why am I still not growing? After the 40 day fast, I shall overcome! Muahaha.
Was quite shocked when last night my brother said 2008 is an easy year. It has not be quite easy for me but now I see it. I completed my ticketing test! It was quite a breeze for me I should say. =) Thanks God. =D
I cheered with joy @ | 5:09 PM
*.* =D *.*
Now, let's welcome the all so common selfish post! All my all so common weaknesses exposed time!
- self-righteousness
- leading to being judgemental
- pride
- lust
Well, should I say that these are all or are the main ones only? Anyway, if I didn't remember wrongly, Paul said that we should boast about our weakness. I couldn't really remember the reason he said but I think it was in the lines of this is where God will manifest His power. Extra grace is given to me to overcome all these! I have a very vague memory that I have typed this in this blog for umpteen times!!! But, I am an overcomer. And to be an overcomer, I must have weakness, if not, what to overcome? Wahaha! Isn't that funny? It is amazing how truths can be entertaining. How I wish all truths are like that.
The "It is not my problem" syndrome has been getting stronger recently. I have been saying countless of sorries without meaning it even a bit. How hyprocritical I have become. I finally understand why this sentence "
让我说的每一句话，发自我心田" is so meaningful. Life is so empty and meaningless without me meaning what I do. Again, how many times have I exprienced this stage and gone back to it again? When can I just grow up and mature and going back to eating baby food such as cereals? I know it is nice to eat, but everyone grows out of it! Why not me? I am still craving for baby wheat cereals, literally. How hard it is to be innocent like a child, but wise to know evil and overcome/avoid it. On the other hand, how easy it is to behave like a child (regression I think), sleep, eat and do nothing else.
Sometimes I think that I am better off being an animal. What I do is what God gives me as instincts. No wrongs that I do will be condemned, afterall I am not given the discrition to make decisions, no responsibility given to me. I will still go to heaven and be with God and on Judgement Day, I am not judged. But then again, that is why human successes are highly honoured. People are praised and rewarded for whatever good we do and we have the greatest peace and gratefulness to God when we finally meet Him. In all, we learn to appreciate Him more and more. That is why we have great satisfaction when we overcome the devil -
苦尽甘来。
I cheered with joy @ | 6:20 PM
